How to save a life
by scruby
Summary: JD is willing to give Dr. Cox one last chance to stop being a jerk. Will he take it?


**Author's note:** I wanted to write a fic with the lyrics of the song "How to save a life" for a long time. I think it really talks about JD and Dr. Cox. So here it is. The song is writtem by the band The Fray.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

**How to save a life**

JD and Dr. Cox walked into one of the rooms in the hospital. Dr. Cox went to the middle of the room and stopped there, then he turned and faced JD who was standing beside the door.

JD felt like he had to do it. It was the end of their shift so they had time to talk. JD told Dr. Cox all day that he had to talk to him and he was a little surprised that Dr. Cox actually came and didn't ditch him and went home.

He tried to gather up all the strength and courage he had. He gave Dr. Cox so many chances and he decided for hundreds of times that he'll stop any connection with him that doesn't involve work, but every time he failed to do so.

JD sighed and swallowed hard.

"We need to talk." He said with a serious tone in his voice.

Dr. Cox snored at him with amusement and laughed a little. He walked over to the door but before he could reach it and step out of the room, JD put a hand on his chest and stopped him.

Dr. Cox looked at JD's hand with surprise and then he looked at his face. JD looked him in the eyes.

"Sit down, it's just a talk."

Dr. Cox turned around and slightly laughed at him again. He went back to the middle of the room and then he sat on a chair. JD sat down in another chair that was opposite to Dr. Cox's.

Dr. Cox put his left leg on his right leg and crossed his arms. He had an amused smirk on his face and he looked at JD. JD stared right through him and looked at the wall. He was trying to find the strange to talk to him.

He swallowed hard.

**Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came **

"Dr. Cox. I need to tell you something and I hope you'll listen to me." He paused. "I've had enough. I've just had enough. Since the moment I met you you've been nothing but an asshole to me. I've done anything I could for you, I've done anything I could to make you pleased and I always tried to be ok by you but nothing I do seems to cut it for you. You never stop yelling at me, laughing at me and you're always angry with me. You never call me by my real name. You call me Newbie, although I've been here for 5 years already, or you call me by girl names. You humiliate me, you don't take me seriously, you don't stop insulting me and you just torture me all the time."

He paused again and sighed.

"I've given you so many chances. Every time I tell myself I won't do it. But every time I deceive myself that you care about me and I come back like a stupid dog. I don't know why I keep doing that. I probably have big problems and big issues. I'm probably a masochist. But I've to give you one last chance, and this is really your last chance. I mean it. I already gave you your last chance so many times but I give it to you one more time."

He paused again.

"You have to change. You just have to. You've to admit to me, to anyone and to yourself if you care about the people around you or not. I'm not going to keep acting like that around you and trying to please you all the time if you don't care about it and if it does me no good, only bad. I know you did a lot of things for me and I thank you for that. I really do. Perry…"

Dr. Cox was a little surprised from the use of his name but it wasn't that important because he was already in deep shock from the conversion. "Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for teaching me so much and making me a better doctor and a better human been. But that doesn't matter. I can't stay like this and keep hurting myself just because of what you've done for me through these years."

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life **

Dr. Cox opened his mouth but he didn't know what to say. JD complained about his behavior from time to time but he never sat him down for a talk like this. Actually, no one ever talked to him like that. Although he believed a lot would like to do it.

"Newbie, what the hell do you want from my life? Did you drink something or took drugs? What the hell do you want?" He didn't want to say those things but that what came out of his mouth. He couldn't say what he really wanted to say.

JD tried to swallow what he said. He knew that Dr. Cox was like that and that it would be hard to get something else from him. If there even was something else. Maybe he meant it and maybe he really didn't care.

He tried to think positive and keep on going. He didn't want to give up on him yet.

He tried to slip through his defensive act and he kept talking.

**Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
**

"I know this is hard for you. No one likes to hear those things about them and everyone has there on way of dealing with it. I'm sorry I'm telling you all of this but you're important to me." For a minute Dr. Cox defense slipped a little and he gave JD a genuine surprised, hurt and touched look. It was gone shortly after it happened. "And I want to keep being your friend or whatever I'm to you. So I need you to know those things. I know why you are acting like that. I know you Perry. You have all those guards and walls. You walls are so fucking high. You're too afraid to show feelings. You're too afraid to get hurt." He let out a little laugh "I can understand you. I always try to be ok with you and I always get hurt."

He looked at Dr. Cox's face. It looked like nothing came through to him. He hoped he was just trying to look like he didn't care but inside he cared for what he said and was thinking about it. He prayed that he'd listened to him.

**Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you  
**

JD waited for Dr. Cox's response. Dr. Cox set and watched JD. He didn't show it but everything JD said was painful for him. He told him horrible things. And the thing was they were true. The little bastard had figured him out.

He knew JD was right. He knew he was a complete asshole, and he wanted to tell him that he was right. He wanted to tell him that he'll never treat him like that. He wanted to tell him that he cares about him and that he sees him as a friend. He was one of the most important people for him in his life.

But he just couldn't. He opened his moth and try to say those things but they didn't came out.

"Newbie, I just want to punch you in your face. It's so sad. You're supposed to be a grown man and a series doctor but you're a pitiful, little, annoying girl and an excuse for a doctor. You're such a sissy. I can't believe you're crying to me like that. I'll tell you know, I told you a million times and I'll tell you a lot more if you don't get it, I don't care about you. I don't give a fucking damn about your sad and pitiful life. You're wasting my time. Do whatever you want Newbie. I just don't care.

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life **

JDwanted to cry. These words cut through him like a knife. He held his tears back. JD knew Dr. Cox didn't deserve another chance. He wanted to beat the hell out of him and scream at him. He thought that could make him feel better, but he didn't know if that was the right thing to do. He hated himself for doing that but he gave Dr. Cox another chance.

**As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
**

"Perry, I know you. I know this hard for you. I think that maybe you don't mean it and it's just hard for you to really listen to me and tell me what you really feel. I'm sorry I sound like a psychologist." He laughed a little. "So this it? This is the verdict? You hate me and you want nothing to do with me ever in your life?"

"Newbie, I don't hate you. I don't give a damn about you."

**He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came **

**  
**JD looked at Dr. Cox. He had made his decision and he had to stand by it. It broke his heart.

"Well, so that's it Perry. I'm gone out of your life. I don't want t have anything to do with you. I'm shifting my shifts and I'll be working with another resident. You know. It's too late for you too fix it with me but I damn hope that you'll start to fix it with other people in your life because you can be good but no one will want anything with you if you'll be such an asshole!"

He stood up and went to the door. He put his hand on the handle and before he opened the door he turned around to face Dr. Cox. "Goodbye Perry." He said and then he opened the door and walked out.

**  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
**

Dr. Cox rose from his sit after a few moments and went to the door. He leaned his hand on it and put his head on his hand. The tears were running from his eyes.

**  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life **

How to save a life  
How to save a life


End file.
